Post by noplacelikehome on Sept 6, 2009 20:33:04 GMT -5
I have landed here ..in the land of Oz....very surreal....and have no idea how to get back to Kansas, figuratively speaking!!! As your newest member, and having only found this site by extensive and chaotic web surfing (couldn't navigate my way back even if there was flashing neon lights emanating from my computer screen)....I am placing my fragile, miniscule and slightly skewed SANITY in your hands ...in hope of support in dealing with my 8 year old RAD/FASD/PTSD/OCD/ODD/ADHD/BIPOLAR (yes,all confirmed diagnoses!!) foster daughter who has pushed me too close to the edge for comfort...again ..and again! Last night I spent two hours waiting on my front doorstep while dozens of police cars and policemen and SWAT team members scoured the neighbourhood for my missing child who had simply said to me as she walked out of the yard, in a calm voice, "I'm outta here". After chasing her down and returning her screaming and kicking and biting and spitting, the three policemen looked at me and said "You have our sympathies.. good luck with her!"...I then proceeded to have an unplanned anxiety attack (once she was in bed) that led to me realizing I need support, help , and maybe even medication (LOL) to survive this. My old normal life seems to have disappeared (just like Dorothy in the Wizard of OZ!!) and I am left in this crazy world that my RAD kid lives in,(blue monkeys and all!!) with no viable instruction booklet! Anybody out there have a spare copy?? FYI: I am out in Vancouver, in the land of denial and expert ostrich maneuvering when it comes to RAD!!
Post by Heather and Judy on Sept 6, 2009 21:40:52 GMT -5
Yes, we know what it is like to take an unscheduled, lengthly trip to OZ against our will. Our son has many of the same diagnoses and has driven us to the edge several times.
It might help to know a little more about your situation. Have you been fostering this child for a long time? Is there the possibility you would adopt her? Do you have other children in your home? Is she a ward of the Province? If so, does your children's aid society offer respite for the little darlin, while you recoup some of your sanity? Would they pay for respite if they don't have trained families in their system?
I know that sounds like a lot of questions so I'll stop with them now. I know that Children's Aid societies have their own rules and you have to live with those. But you may want to consider a couple of books. When love is not enough by Nancy Thomas is one that is full of ideas for coping with various behaviors. Theraputic Parenting by Deborah Hage which explains why these kids do a lot of the things they do. This can be very helpful as it is difficult to deal with unreasonable kids when you are flying by the seat of your pants. 99 ways to drive your kids sane by Brita St.Clair is about 99 pages long with one humorous idea per page to help you deal with the kids behaviours.
Denial seems to be universal in Canada and not a whole lot better in the States. It would not surprise me to hear that your Children's Aid Society was in denial.
We'll be checking back to see how you are doing and offering any support we can. First and foremost Take Care Of Yourself.
WOW, where have I heard this before? This sounds so much like my grandson with all the multiple diagnoses. Don't be discouraged. You will make a difference in this child's life and the child in their backwards confused way, will make a difference in your life. You are right, the life you had before is gone. This does not mean that there will be no rainbows left for you to enjoy. Your rainbows change with every success you have with this child. You will take steps forward and then fall back again. I have seen the results of strong commitment and using the methods described in the books that Heather and Judy have recommended to you. If you do not have this little darling doing "strong sitting", that is my first recommendation to you. Strong sitting gives them the time to get control of their feelings and their body and brings them back to a solid ground. Much like yoga. I have seen this work, I did not understand it for a very very long time. As a grandparent, I know how hard it is to watch the struggle and not be able to help. I hope you have a support family there that encourages you. They need to be on board with your requirements. Whether this child is a permanent placement in your home or not, these things matter and will form a great foundation for all of you to move ahead. Please don't hesitate to send me an email, or post on this board. We are all here to help each other. Carol
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